Friday, January 22, 2016

What it's Like...

I shared this article on fb and it really hit home. She could've pulled those words straight from my mouth.

I've been so blessed to get maternity leave, especially at a time when I had to leave my job and move 800 miles north. My employer was nice enough to realize how hard I had worked the past 3 years and thought I still deserved my benefits. Better yet, my company started dolling out PAID maternity leave this year. So I am forever grateful to have the opportunity to have some time off.

But aside from that, some days, it's hard. Down.right.hard. It's been 8 weeks now. I go stir crazy during the day. Being home all alone. Going through the same motions with Claire -- feed, play, rest, repeat. Many days it's just feed, play, feed, play with no rest in between. Her schedule is unpredictable. I look forward to 5:00 when Ross gets off of work and I can pass her off. Yes, I feel awful. But I need a break.

I know he's had a long day at work. Everyday is frustrating for him at a job he's not particularly loving and losing battles left and right with his managers. They are asking more of him than any human could ever accomplish in one week of work. So yes. Ross needs a break too when he walks in that door but I'm turning selfish and resentful. So I hand her off for however long I can. But then she starts crying again. Back to me it is for another feeding.

I know one day I'll look back and miss this time. But no one prepares you for how lonely it can be. Especially in a town where we haven't made any friends yet where I could just meet someone for a quick lunch, and a quick escape from the monotonous routine.

I always try to stay optimistic but sometimes it feels good to just throw your hands up in the air and curse out loud. Then cry. Then rationalize a glass of wine at 3:00 in the afternoon...


**Don't worry, I'll be fine. Just needed to vent! I know many of you can probably relate, and that, right there, is helpful.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Claire - 6 Weeks Old

Baby Girl is deciding to today! Not sure if that's a growth spurt, or what's going on, but it's giving this mama a nice break for once! So let's catch up :)

Claire is 6 weeks now and I'm looking forward to the day that we can have some routine back in our lives. At least a vague, flexible routine. She is still young after all.  At Claire's check-up last week, Claire's pediatrician recommended that it might be time to move her into her crib in her nursery. I gladly welcomed the change after realizing these past few weeks just how hard it is to get some good sleep with a newborn in your room! All of their cute little coo's and aah's in their sleep is actually very disrupting, haha. I would wake up to every.tiny.sound. So yes, it was time to move her. Luckily, the transition to her crib went better than expected. (Again, another big milestone that had me greatly worried, showed to be barely a speed bump with our girl!!)

So her current routine, if any, is that she goes to bed around 11pm every night (I'll work on moving that up a bit, I've tried a few times to put her down earlier without success) and sleeps for about 3-4 hours before waking for a feeding. After that, she'll sleep anywhere from 1-hour increments, to 3-hour increments, until we finally wake up around 9am for the day. Then during the day, it's extremely unpredictable. For instance, on Thursday, she didn't take one nap!! A few snooze's for 5 or 10 minutes, here and there, but that was it. I was exhausted!! But today? I can't get the girl to stay awake, haha (I'm secretly relishing the break though!). So even though our nighttime routine is slowly forming, I'm hoping over the next week or 2 to figure out her days. Especially since I'll be starting back at work in just a few short weeks.

I think reaching the 6-week mark is a big milestone for us. I feel like Ross & I are getting the hang of things and questioning ourselves less. Breastfeeding is going great and I'm getting the hang of pumping, when/if to give her a bottle, when to pack one when we're out, and when to stop questioning why she's cluster feeding again!

Of course, at the end of learning and feeling comfortable with one phase, there's always another to be learned! For instance, how the heck do people go back to work when they have kids?! I think that's why finding a routine is my next challenge. But thank goodness I'll be working from home and have more flexibility than most working moms, which I'm extremely grateful for. Ross & I found a lady just down the street that watches kids out of her home that we're going to use, so hopefully that'll work out. We had a great referral for her and I think she will be much more flexible than a traditional daycare facility. So that's our next phase/hurdle.

So that about sums it up... life with our girl. Exciting.Exhausting. Love watching her grow!

Oh, and I finally put her baby book together. It's adorbs! Ask to see it in person sometime :)