What it's Like...

I shared this article on fb and it really hit home. She could've pulled those words straight from my mouth.

I've been so blessed to get maternity leave, especially at a time when I had to leave my job and move 800 miles north. My employer was nice enough to realize how hard I had worked the past 3 years and thought I still deserved my benefits. Better yet, my company started dolling out PAID maternity leave this year. So I am forever grateful to have the opportunity to have some time off.

But aside from that, some days, it's hard. Down.right.hard. It's been 8 weeks now. I go stir crazy during the day. Being home all alone. Going through the same motions with Claire -- feed, play, rest, repeat. Many days it's just feed, play, feed, play with no rest in between. Her schedule is unpredictable. I look forward to 5:00 when Ross gets off of work and I can pass her off. Yes, I feel awful. But I need a break.

I know he's had a long day at work. Everyday is frustrating for him at a job he's not particularly loving and losing battles left and right with his managers. They are asking more of him than any human could ever accomplish in one week of work. So yes. Ross needs a break too when he walks in that door but I'm turning selfish and resentful. So I hand her off for however long I can. But then she starts crying again. Back to me it is for another feeding.

I know one day I'll look back and miss this time. But no one prepares you for how lonely it can be. Especially in a town where we haven't made any friends yet where I could just meet someone for a quick lunch, and a quick escape from the monotonous routine.

I always try to stay optimistic but sometimes it feels good to just throw your hands up in the air and curse out loud. Then cry. Then rationalize a glass of wine at 3:00 in the afternoon...

*Kristin*


**Don't worry, I'll be fine. Just needed to vent! I know many of you can probably relate, and that, right there, is helpful.

Patience

God grant me the will to be patient.

I have not been a very nice person for the past few weeks. I'm stressed beyond my limit. I've snapped at Ross countless times. I'm stressed about the house, the projects we're trying to accomplish, about family visiting, about dakota and everything in between.

Yesterday was another breaking point. I went grocery shopping after work, came home to immediately start on some projects that had me covered head to toe in drywall dust. Got another headache (which seem to be on and off for the past few weeks now), showered, only to discover the water wouldn't get past luke warm, then finally sat down at 8:30 only to discover that dinner was nowhere in sight. Just once it would be nice if Ross would offer to cook dinner.

On top of it all, Dakota has been acting up every morning. I spend more time cleaning up after her than I care to admit. She's 5 & 1/2 years old and I still feel like she's not housebroken. Frustrating beyond words.

We have no hot water this morning, so I asked Ross to call the plumber. He thinks the burner under the water heater just blew out since we've had some pretty rainy/windy weather the past few days. And being that the water heater is in the crawl space, it doesn't have a lot of protection. I hope that's all it is b/c I can't take one more problem in this house.

It's been almost 5 weeks since I've had a washer/dryer. The new washer/dryer are being delivered saturday, and I can't wait another minute. Not only is 5 weeks a long time to wait for ordinary laundry, but when you're renovating a house, we have stacks upon stacks of dirty work clothes, rags, towels, etc. building up on top of the normal laundry.

And last but not least, we may need to look into purchasing a new furnace. I thought we could wait, but Ross wants to pounce on a deal he found. Our savings is below the thresold that I'm comfortable with. I knew that buying a house brings initial costs but I just want to STOP spending money.

I'm just praying that all of this will pass and over the next few months things will start to turn around. Projects will finish, family will visit, holidays will pass, and we can start saving again.

God grant me the will to be patient.

*Kristin*